I am NORMAL!

I have set and accomplished many goals in my life.
   Graduate from high school with honors. ✔
   Graduate from college in 4 years.  ✔
   Be able to support myself financially after graduation.  ✔
   Be married by age 25.  ✔
   Have all of my children by age 30. ✔
   Live in a 2 story house with rocking chairs on the front porch, a white picket fence out front and a white SUV in the driveway.  (almost...we have a white privacy fence in the back.) :)

I know these sound silly but what do you expect, I was a teenager when I came up with most of them.

The only goal I have never, ever been able to accomplish is my weight.  I've been within 10 lbs of my goal several times but something has always held me back.  I am still 4 lbs away from my goal now but it doesn't matter because I today I hit an even better goal...my body fat %!  Today at my monthly weigh in my body fat % was 24.5 = NORMAL!  I am no longer "overweight"!  I've never been able to say that in my entire life because I've always been overweight or obese since I was a child.  I will eventually hit my goal weight this time.  It might take a week, it might take a month but I will do it just to have the satisfaction of accomplishment but it's nice to know that I am already normal. :)

Meanest Mommy Ever!

Can someone please tell me how to stop a 6 year old from constantly whining and pouting?  I can't take it anymore!  Bryson whines and pouts over everything.  Even when he gets his way he pouts.  Friday he was off from school and had a friend over to play that morning.  He was great but that afternoon and night all he did was whine and pout.  Finally I had enough!  After days of threatening I packed up ALL (yes I said ALL) of his toys and put them in garage.  For everyday that he is good meaning no whining or pouting he gets to pick one toy to bring back in the playroom.  Looking at that empty playroom upset me.  Had I gone too far?  Was this a little too drastic for a 6 year old?  Am I the meanest mommy ever?  Too late now, I have to stick to my guns!  So I did.  This weekend Bryson was an angel.  Actually he has been an angel ever since.  The first toys that he asked for was his big toy story dolls (Buzz, Woody and Jessie) and the second was his cars. He has 3 big baskets of cars so we made a deal that he could pick the cars that he wanted to keep but they had to fit in 1 basket.  I think the kid kept 15 cars total out of 150.  That's all he has asked for even though he has been good and could have earned more stuff back.  I have to admit it has been nice cleaning out all of those toys before Christmas but the empty shelves look so sad. :(

Why am I doing this?

Today at the gym I was stopped by a complete stranger.  She said "I am sorry but I have been watching you for the past few months and you look amazing!"  What a nice thing for her to do because after that I felt amazing!  (Much better than the last time a stranger stopped me at the gym.  An old lady stopped to tell me that I need to stop running so much and start doing water aerobics because she lost over 50 lbs doing it.  Really?!  Basically what I took from that was she thought I needed to lose 50 lbs and running obviously wasn't doing it!  So annoying!)

Why is it that a complete stranger would take time out of her day to compliment me and encourage me but the people that I thought would be my biggest cheerleaders and supporters haven't said a word?  Haven't acknowledged my accomplishments?  I have to admit that the past few days I have been hurt and down right mad.  Why am I doing this if no one else cares or even notices?  Maybe I should go back to eating pizza and cheeseburgers and weighing 250 lbs!  But then last night I asked myself "Why are you doing this?  Because if you are doing this for other people you are going to fail - AGAIN!"

So my answer is I am doing this for me and me alone because this is the first time I have ever put me first.  I don't know why the people that I thought would be there for me aren't.  Maybe they don't agree with what I am doing so they can't support me, maybe they are jealous because they feel like they can't do it for themselves or maybe they just don't care. LOL!  and that's okay because the only cheerleader and supporter that matters is ME!

Give me an APPLE!

It's finally here!  I made it!  And guess what?  I didn't die or kill anyone in the process!  I made it 14 days without bread, pasta, potatoes, rice, fruit or any sugar!  Honestly, I can't believe that I did it.  Never, ever, in a million years did I think I would be able to do it, but I did!  When I looked at the foods to avoid for phase 1 I thought "I'm going to starve to death because all of those things are staples in EVERY meal that I cook."  But I decided to give it 1 week.  I can give up anything for 1 week and if I lose weight (and it's not too hard) I will do it again for a second week.  Well, after 14 days I've made it to phase 2.  Now I can add back in bread, pasta, starchy veggies, etc.  So what am I going to eat first?  A big old bun with my cheeseburger? No!  A tortilla with my tacos? No!  Spaghetti noodles with my spaghetti sauce?  NOPE!  A plain old apple!  That's it! 

In just two weeks I have gone from a complete carb and sugar addict to not even wanting to add that stuff back to my diet.  I really think I have turned into one of those crazy people that orders a salad at a burger joint.  I've always envied those people for their extreme willpower to resist the delicious burgers and fries but now I've realized that they weren't using extreme willpower to resist temptation.  They weren't even tempted by that stuff because they weren't craving it.  Wow!  After another two weeks of this I might even start to like vegetables. LOL!

I don't care how good it tastes, how will it make my butt look in those jeans?

Last night I had my worst temptation yet!  My favorite food ever is PIZZA!  I could (and have) eat pizza for every meal.  I even eat it cold for breakfast!  Last night was Bryson's end-of-the-season t-ball party.  I knew there would be pizza so I ate before I went.  I was full so there was no reason to be tempted other than just pure habit.  Scott and Bryson had already eaten too but for some reason they both ended up eating pizza...hmmm...so much for their support.  For dessert they had homemade whoopie pies, chocolate cake with white icing just like oreo cakesters.  Actually those were less of a temptation than the pizza but they were bite size so just one would be okay, right?  No way!  I stood strong and resisted. So how did I do it? By just repeating my new motto..."I don't care how good it tastes, how will it make my butt look in those jeans?"

Earlier this week I did exactly what I said I wasn't going to do.  I bought a pair of jeans that are a size too small with hopes that I will fit into them when I reach my goal weight.  Every time I have done this in the past it usually backfires and I end up gaining weight.  But this time I couldn't resist.  It's like they were calling my name.  Plus they are $100 jeans on sale for $25!  I love Marshalls!

I am so proud of myself for not giving in to temptation.  Before I would have said, "one piece won't hurt, I'll just be EXTRA good tomorrow!"  Resisting definitely paid off!  Yesterday I lost 1.5 lbs!  That's 9.5 lbs in 11 days. 

It's not about the FOOD!

Day 10 and I'm down 8 lbs.  Actually, I'm a little disappointed because the first few days I was averaging a pound a day but then I have to remind my self that I HAVE LOST 8 LBS IN 10 DAYS!  That is crazy!  And it's been easy!  Yes, I said it...it's been easy!  Granted I had one day that was a struggle but I knew that would happen.  As long as I keep my goal in mind and plan ahead with my meals it is easy to stick to.  I'm already smaller than I was in high school and 8 more lbs and I will be smaller than I was in college when I went on the "all diet pills and protein shakes diet".

So why is it so much easier than I thought?  Could it be that I'm older and more mature now?  Ha ha!  I don't think so.  One reason is I have a dear friend doing this with me.  She calls me several times a day to keep me motivated and to let me vent.  I know that this would be much more of a struggle without her but I know the main reason is because I am ready this time.  I have been preparing for this for a year and a half.  I know that being overweight and bad eating habits aren't about the food!  It's not about the food tasting good.  I've found myself mindlessly eating things that I don't even like.  Food is my drug.  I don't drink, smoke or do drugs...I use food to get high.  I always have since I was a little girl.  I learned at a very early age that there is nothing that a chocolate chip cookie (or a dozen) can't fix. 

For over a year I have been asking myself "WHY?"  Why do I feel the need to self medicate with food?  I've had a lot of emotions come up during this process.  I've cried a lot, I've prayed a lot, I've beat up my heavy bag a lot and luckily I have amazing friends that have helped me talk through these feelings.  I am not healed and probably never will be but now I have learned to face my emotions instead of turning to the pantry.

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

I met Suzanne four years ago at the neighborhood playground.  We had both recently moved here, we both had boys the same age, we were both significantly overweight and we both had a desire to do something about it.  I've always had friends that were overweight but weight was a sore subject for most of them so we never talked about.  Suzanne was different.  She was my weight loss soul mate! LOL!  A week or two after we met we joined the gym together and that's how our friendship began.  We worked out everyday (most days for 2 hours) and tried different diets together.  We lost weight, gained weight, lost weight, gained weight, complained to each other about it...that was OUR thing.  Until recently.

About two months ago she decided to start this new weight loss plan.  She called me and was so excited explaining everything that she was going to do.  To me it sounded horrible because she wasn't allowed to eat any good stuff and what was the point of living if you had to torture yourself?  But I didn't want to burst her bubble so I cheered her on like any good friend would do but secretly I was thinking to myself, "Yeah right, let's see how long this one lasts, ha ha."  How many diets have we tried in the past, all chicken broth diet, grilled chicken and lettuce diet, slim fast and the let's see how long we can go without eating anything diet and we never lasted any longer than a day or two on any of them.  I was surprised that on Day 3 she was still going strong and losing significant amounts of weight but then I got the call on Day 4.  Yep, this diet was almost over...she was lying in the kitchen floor in front of the refrigerator crying because she wanted to eat! 

Not really sure how she did it but somehow she managed to find the strength to not cheat that night and the next day she was back on track. After the first month she lost 22.6 lbs and 14.75 inches!  What?  That is insane!  I can't believe she had stuck to it that long and had lost that much weight.  They say that you only have to do something for 21 days before it becomes a habit so maybe this time was different.  Maybe she was really going to stick to this plan and if so was I going to lose my "soul mate"?  I knew I had to make a choice.  I could either cheer her on from the side lines and eventually resent her progress while I did nothing or I could jump on that train with her and go along for the ride.  Luckily I made the decision to jump and I'm so glad that I did!  Today marked the end of week 1 for me and I'm down 6 lbs in 7 days!  That is crazy!  Of course I owe it all to my dear friend who showed me that it can be done and for her calling me out in my moments of weakness..."Jennifer, put down the M&Ms and sweet tea and walk away!  It's not worth it!" LOL!

What's for dinner? Sugar, Sugar and MORE SUGAR!

I've had a few people comment, "Seriously Jennifer, another diet?  You know as soon as you start eating normal again you are going to gain it all back."  LOL!  Eat NORMAL!  If I ate normal in the first place I wouldn't be overweight!

I'm from the south and southerners don't know nuttin' about nutrition.  Yes, we know that fast food is bad but I was raised to believe that a well rounded meal included a meat, potatoes or rice with gravy, vegetables and some kind of bread (usually cornbread or biscuits) and let's not forget lots of sweet tea!  Sounds pretty normal, right? LOL!
I've always heard that you should avoid white potatoes, white rice, white flour, white sugar, etc but never really understood why so I finally researched it.  Basically your body processes all of this stuff as sugar.  So at a "normal" meal I would eat white rice (sugar) and gravy made from white flour (sugar), a meat usually breaded and white flour (sugar) and fried, and of course bread made from white flour (sugar) but let's not forget the vegetables.  Those have to be good for you, right?  Not really because they are cooked with fatback (gross me out!) or bacon or ham and lots of salt for flavor.  Oh yeah, and sweet tea to wash it all down.  And if you ate all of your dinner then you got dessert...some kind of baked good (sugar)!
That's how I was raised, and that's how my mom, grandma, great-grandma, etc. were all raised.  We just didn't know any different.

One reason why I chose this program was to detox my body and mind from this way of eating and to learn new ways of eating.  I'm still eating the same things that I cook for Scott and Bryson just modified a little.  Cheeseburgers (homemade of course with 96/4 ground beef and fat free cheese) minus the bun and veggies instead of fries.  Turkey tacos with lots of lettuce minus the tortilla.  Roast beef with lots of veggies minus the mashed potatoes and gravy.

Will I ever eat "bad" foods again?  OF COURSE!  As a matter of fact I can't wait until this detox phase is over so I can bring back some of this stuff but I plan to do it in moderation.  I'm looking forward to having a Five Guys cheeseburger and fries and I hope it makes me so sick that the thought of Five Guys makes me nauseous! LOL!

As a side note...we went to Outback tonight and I wasn't even bothered by the TWO loaves of "warm right out of the oven" bread sitting on our table or Bryson's left over french fries that I normally would have gobbled up in a heartbeat. I must be making progress. :)

I'm a cheater and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Day 5 was by far my worst day yet!  I've had a head cold for the past few days so getting in my normal workout has been difficult because I can't breathe but I've still powered through it.  Today was different.  I didn't feel good.  On my way home from the gym I had a sick feeling in my stomach.  Slightly nauseous, maybe low blood sugar.  Usually my first reaction is to eat crackers (goldfish or cheezits) and drink pepsi or sweet tea but this time I didn't do it.  I did eat a slice of turkey bacon (my new favorite snack) and drank some water.  After a few minutes I felt better.
Later, after talking to my friend who is doing a similar program but is a few weeks ahead of me, I realized that what happened earlier was a sugar withdrawal!  Wow, my body was trying to trick me into thinking I was sick to get me to eat sugar - CRAZY!  I stayed strong the rest of the day until after dinner, the time I always crave something sweet.  I actually imagined myself ripping open all of Bryson's M&M fun packs from Halloween and pouring them in my mouth or opening all the small packs of oreos (that Bryson takes to school for lunch) and seeing how many I can cram in my mouth at one time but I resisted.  For dessert Bryson had an ice cream sandwich.  He just lost a tooth minutes before so I cut the sandwich up for him so he didn't have to bite it.  Out of habit I licked the knife...big mistake!  Now I really wanted sugar!  Lucky for me (not really) Bryson didn't finish his ice cream sandwich, he left 1 tiny little bite on his plate and before I could get the plate from the table to the sink I had crammed it in my mouth.  Immediately I felt sick!  Not physically sick but emotionally sick.  What had I done?!  Was one bite of ice cream sandwich really worth it?  NO WAY!! 
In the past that would be the end of my weight loss journey...cheat once and you're out...try again next year but not this time.  This time I'm owning my mistake.  I'm putting on my big girl panties and I'm going to power through because that's what you do when you are tough - never give up!
Actually, I'm glad that I cheated.  I have not been that disappointed in myself in a long time and I never want to feel that way again.

Today someone stopped me at the gym and asked how much weight I had lost.  Of course this felt wonderful that people that see me everyday are starting to notice but it also made me think.  That is a hard question.  How much weight have I lost...?  Well, let's see...from my heaviest ever I've lost 76 lbs but that doesn't count because that was the day I gave birth.  If you consider the day I joined the gym, January 1, 2008 I've lost 52 lbs but since then I have been this weight before and gained most if it back.  Since June 2010 I've lost 32 lbs but still I have been up and down from that number.  I started dieting when I was 8, 26 years ago.  I usually fluctuate 30-40 lbs from one year to the next.  So I guess my answer is throughout my life I have lost 780 lbs!

Day 3 on my new diet and I've lost 4 lbs.  Not bad considering I can't remember the last time I've lost 4 lbs in a month, much less three days! At this rate I will be at my goal by Thankgiving just in time to blow it all at Grandma's! LOL!
 It really hasn't been that hard.  Surprisingly, I haven't missed rice, potatoes or even bread.  I've even been cooking them for Scott and Bryson to eat. The only thing that I really miss is fruit.  Bryson and I always share an apple in the afternoon as a snack so that is usually my sugar fix to get me through until dinner.